*Honesty*

The single most important thing about creating a positive spanking experience or dynamic, in our opinion, is having open and honest communication. Both spanker and spankee need to speak freely about their needs and desires as well as their limits. This should occur both before any spankings happen, as well as afterwards (in the form of feedback). It takes effort to get on the same page, but it is worth it. Just have to be willing to talk!

Thing is though, you don’t actually HAVE to do anything. The reality is a spanko can remain mute about any topic they wish. They can also sugarcoat an issue or they can flat out lie about it. These are options that do exist. They’re options that sometimes are selected too.

Usually folks have little issue with positive communication. ‘That was a great spanking’… ‘that is exactly what I needed’… ‘that was a lot of fun’… sharing those sort of sentiments is pretty easy. It can get a lot more tricky when there was some sort of a problem or issue though. Then several possible reasons for not being entirely forthcoming can arise. Don’t want to hurt feelings… create a scene… come off as petty or a complainer… want to avoid possible conflict… it’s just flat out easier to move along… etc-etc.

We sometime see a less than honest approach advocated too. No longer wish to play with a former play partner at a party… instead of risking them being crushed by critical feedback, just tell them your dance card is full. If you figure they “can’t handle the truth” don’t tell them.

On the one hand you have that desire to create a positive experience and maybe something can be learned from critical feedback. Plus, you’d rather be truthful… so just be honest about any issue and let the chips fall where they may. But then on other hand, do you really owe them that? If you have reason to worry your feedback will be received poorly and/or you have more or less decided to move on anyway… do you really need to be totally honest?

We’d like to hear your thoughts on just how open and honest communication should be. As always we welcome any and all to share. Would love to hear from you so please don’t be shy. Here are a few questions to get the discussion started.

What are your thoughts when it comes to open and honest communication with a spanking partner? Are there ever times it is okay to be less than honest? What about brushing past an issue or simply moving on with nothing said? What would you do if you wished to end a spanking relationship, but feared being honest about the reasons would be poorly received?

We invite you to leave a comment below, or if you like you can Email us at ToddnSuzy@yahoo.com and we’ll post your thoughts in the Sunday Roundtable Wrap-up.

Also have the Quick Response Poll and we do invite you to share your vote there too.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!

What would you do if you wished to end a spanking relationship, but feared being honest about the reasons would be poorly received? I’d still be totally open and honest. I wouldn’t lie, but wouldn’t look to be open. I’d brush by the reasons, minimizing the negative. No need to be honest if it will be poorly received. Make up a story, lie, whatever it took to be done with it quickly. Current Results

In modern lexicon the phrase “whipping boy” has come to mean a scapegoat or a fall guy. It’s used pretty commonly too. Did you know though that a whipping boy was once a real job? It’s true!

Here is what Wikipedia says…

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A whipping boy was a young boy who was assigned to a young prince and was punished when the prince misbehaved or fell behind in his schooling. Whipping boys were established in the English court during the monarchies of the 15th and 16th centuries. They were created because of the idea of the divine right of kings, which stated that kings were appointed by God, and implied that no one but the king was worthy of punishing the king’s son. Since the king was rarely around to punish his son when necessary, tutors to the young prince found it extremely difficult to enforce rules or learning.

Whipping boys were generally of high status, and were educated with the prince from birth. Because the prince and whipping boy grew up together they usually formed a strong emotional bond, especially since the prince usually did not have playmates as other children would have had. The strong bond that developed between a prince and his whipping boy dramatically increased the effectiveness of using a whipping boy as a form of punishment for a prince. The idea of the whipping boys was that seeing a friend being whipped or beaten for something that he had done wrong would be likely to ensure that the prince would not make the same mistake again.

Whipping boys were sometimes rewarded by the princes they served. King Charles I of England made his whipping boy, William Murray, the first Earl of Dysart in 1643 after he had been living in the palatial Ham House since 1626 under the request of King Charles I.

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A pretty interesting concept. Never realized that a whipping boy was of such high stature himself. It was quite an honor to have the job (because of the access it provided to the Royal Family and the future King).

Of course, the job has long disappeared. The concept isn’t totally lost though. We have played spanking games with a bit of a ‘whipping boy’ flare to them. For example… Suzy and a friend will lay flat on a bed. Suzy will be told she is going to be given 6 hard spanks with some mean implement and for each time she moves her feet her spankee friend will get TWO with the same implement. Then when that round is over, the friend will get her turn… only with Suzy’s butt on the line.

It’s interesting too, because the determination to remain still seems far more focused than if the extra spanks were to be assigned to the one that did the moving.

That’s just a game, and it is a fun one. The idea could be tried in a more serious discipline setting though. A while back we were talking with a local couple. They were as much into the larger world of BDSM and the Master/slave dynamic as they were into spanking. We explored a shared sort of discipline approach with them for a little bit. Basically the idea being… he could discipline spank Suzy if he felt it was needed, and his wife could be spanked by Todd as needed. Sort of a free hand in that area.

Most of our interaction with them was online though, and it usually worked out where if a spanking was earned… it was given in a proxy way by the primary partner. So when Suzy got in trouble with him, it was still Todd that was giving the spanking.

One time though our friend told Suzy… if you get in trouble with me, instead of me talking to Todd about him spanking you for it or us waiting until we can get together… I am going to give the punishment spanking to my wife, and she will know full well it’s you that earned her the spanking. Suzy did NOT like that… lol… but it sure as heck worked. She worked extra hard to not get in trouble. She didn’t want to see her ‘whipping girl’ getting spanked.

That friendship didn’t end up working out. No biggie… they were looking to go way too fast for our comfort and we parted in a nice way. That was an interesting experience though, and the ‘whipping girl’ concept showed that in the right circumstances it could have value here in our modern world.

This week wasn’t as great as last week but we realize we can’t expect the same progress every week, that’s just not realistic.  Suzy did show a small loss but Todd stayed the same.  Part of the change is surely because exercise was limited this week and that can change the way our bodies handle the calories they take in.

We aren’t going to let this get us down though.  Todd has been helping our diet tremendously by his awesome home cooking (yes, Suzy is a very lucky girl).  What makes his cooking so great is because he limits the extras that are wasted calories that neither of us need and replaces it with healthier ingredients (peppers, onions, celery, carrots, etc…)

Another big positive is for the 4th week now we’ve stayed 100% away from all fast food stops and restaurants.  Not one single burger, shake or fry from a drive thru has passed either of our lips.  We know that no matter what the scale says this week, we are much healthier for it.

A big temptation this weekend will be our Tampa Tanners party, but we’ve already decided to eat before we go and to be very calorie concerned when picking out any snacks or meals we have while away from home.   Suzy’s hoping she can get some of those calories spanked off and with all the bets Todd has spankings to give, that will surely help exercise his right arm pretty well

Let’s see how our friends did this week…

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Friends Update

Carye: We didn’t hear from Carye this week but we’re pretty sure that’s because she had surgery and we hope she’s taking good care of herself so she recovers quickly and thoroughly.  We look forward to hearing from her again soon.

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Jean: One of the hardest things on a diet plan is keeping a log or journal so we want to give high praise and acknowledgement to Jean for her regular daily emails that keep us updated on how she’s doing.  Not only that but they are also detailed showing us what she’s eaten each day.  This isn’t easy (Suzy knows very well) but Jean is very consistent at logging each and every item she chooses to eat.  Because of that we see when the deadly chocolate comes into play or when a ‘little’ bit of caffeine gets added to the mix (both are no no’s if they become too regular).  But when we look at so much information and see how well she has done overall, these occasional bumps are more easily ignored.  As long as she keeps this up, it will bring GG rewards and a chocolate treat now and then.

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Courtney: It seems Courtney has been having a water intake issue.  Due to her condition, her husband has found some alternate means of motivating her to do better and she’s done a lot better since he did.  Amazing what restricting phone, computer and tablet use can do to improve health choices  We are glad they have found a suitable way to get Courtney back on track and we hope she continues to do so for both herself and her baby.  She’s eating better and that’s good since she’s eating for two.  A little weight increase is expected but no need to let it get out of hand and she seems right on track with keeping that from happening.

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Good luck to everyone in the coming week. If you’re interested in the Spanking Diet, we’d like to invite you to check out the Yahoo Spanking Diet Group. It’s a great group. Over 200 members now… lively discussions with lots of encouragement and idea sharing. We’d love to have you!

All you need is a free Yahoo account that lists your ~adult age~ in your *public profile*. Always feel fee to Email us at toddnsuzy@yahoo.com too… we always enjoy talking with new like-minded friends.

If you have been reading here at American Spanking Society for any length of time you know we’re big fans of Cane-iac. The selection of spanking implements and toys they offer is breathtaking. Canes (of course), paddles, straps, whips… wood, leather, acrylic, lexan, rattan, delrin… cases, books, DVDs, blindfolds… it’s a long-long list! Plenty of unique items mixed in with the traditional spanking implements you’d expect. Cane-iac is always willing to think outside of the box and they often hit upon (literally, lol) good ideas.

Our implement bag has somewhere around 20 different Cane-iac items in it and we’re glad to have each of them. We get lots of compliments and questions (where did you get that!?). Can’t say enough good things about the quality and usability of their products. Have to share too that we have had the pleasure of getting to know the folks behind Cane-iac. They’re a lovely couple that really gives their all to the family run business.

One of the neatest things about Cane-iac is their prices. They’re often half as much as the major competitors. Allows spankos to really stretch their dollar, and do so while not losing anything off of quality.

Now we have a way to save even more. A 5% coupon is available to everyone on any and all purchases. Jjust use the case sensitive code “ToddnSuzy” when ordering and you get the discount (on the ‘how to pay’ screen you’ll find a “Coupon/Gift Certificate” box, simply place “ToddnSuzy” there before hitting “apply” to receive the discount). We don’t get anything for that either… other than feeling good that we have perhaps helped point you in the direction of some really cool spanking toys.

A free 5% off anytime you want it, can’t beat that! We welcome you to check out the Cane-iac site, and if you like please feel free to drop us a line and share what you got. Always fun hearing from spankos with new toys!

For you, which came first… an interest in spanking or an interest is sex? If it’s spanking, how did that interest first manifest itself? If it’s sex, when did the interest in spanking come? Do you think when your interest in spanking came speaks to any larger questions or is it more of a curiosity.

When a spanko first found they had an interest in spanking is a pretty popular topic. We thought it would be fun to put a bit of chicken or egg spin to that question, and we ended up with a really good discussion. Very much enjoyed it. Let’s jump into the Roundtable Wrap-up.

For you, which came first… an interest in spanking or an interest is sex?
Definitely spanking. ~ 79%
Probably spanking. ~ 11%
I’m not sure. ~ 3%
Probably sex. ~ 2%
Definitely sex. ~ 5%

A busy poll this week with well-well over 100 responses. A big thank you to all that took the time to share. The results are pretty overwhelming too with 90% saying the interest in spanking was… or likely was… first. Didn’t expect the number to be that high! Not sure what it means either. For more insights we move to this week’s comments. Hope you’ll be able to check them out.

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Lea said: Spanking definitely came first for me. I was NOT thinking about sex when I was 5. Lol. Your second paragraph pretty much describes me. I used to look up all the spanking related words in the dictionary, read and re-read every book with any mention of it, same with any references in movies or TV. I don’t know that spanking or sexual interest coming first effects ones current interest in it.

~A large number of spankos seem to share that same experience, where they can trace their first interest back to 4-5-6 years old. “Spanking” has to be one of the most looked up words in the second grade… lol.~

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Karen said: I think I’m in the minority here because an interest in sex definitely came first. The idea of me wanting someone to spank me at a young age would have been completely foreign. I spent much of my youth trying to dodge spankings. When I did get spanked, I hated it! Not just the pain part of it, but just being in trouble bothered me. I didn’t have any interest in other people being spanked either. It was something I wanted to avoid.

So my interest in sex definitely came first. As that developed I found I enjoyed some playful swats on my bottom. Didn’t really consider that to be an interest in spanking though. It wasn’t until I was well into adulthood that I was introduced (reintroduced) to spanking and found the discipline part of it works for me. I still try to dodge them and I still don’t like them, but they do make me feel safe and cared for.

~Think most of what you share is pretty common. We’ve never met a spanko that liked being spanked as a kid… we all tried to dodge those. Might have been looking the work up in the dictionary or sneaking a peek at someone getting spanked in a movie. No one wanted to actually be in trouble with their parents though. And while many may have discovered an interest at an early age… that didn’t round into anything substantial until a much older age.~

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Dana said: I was aware of what sex was at a young age. My parents were extremely open about it. Not in a weird way, but in a it’s not a big deal sort of way. When I asked where babies came from they gave straight answers. So sex never was a great mystery to me. It didn’t feel forbidden.

Spanking was far more of a mystery to me. My parents never spanked me. Other than saying they were against it, it wasn’t ever talked about. My friends and classmates were always talking about spanking though. How they’d get spanked if they got home late or how they did get spanked for getting a bad grade. It interested me. I wondered what it would feel like.

I started day dreaming about it. Plotting ways to get my teacher or a friend’s father to spank me. I thought what it would be like to watch someone else getting spanked. I tried spanking my own butt several times. Even used a belt once because a friend had mentioned she “got the belt.” All of this long before I hand any interest whatsoever in sex.

My discovery of the pleasures of sex did enhance my spanking desires. I found that certain parts of spanking turned me on. But the interest in spanking was first.

~We don’t have any idea what makes someone a spanko, but we have certainly talked with others that have had an experience similar to yours. They weren’t spanked at all growing up, and that seems to have played at least a small part in fueling the desire. Think you make a great point in favor of parents being honest about sex with their kids!~

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BlackVelvet007 said: The interest in spanking came first but it came from a twofold path.

From a spanking standpoint I’ve often told my “origin story” that my personal experience with being spanked was very small compared to most, but more than enough for me to realize that I truly despise being on the receiving end. But seeing other kids spanked or hearing about it gave me twinges I couldn’t understand until puberty hit and I realized it was something I needed to investigate.

From the sexual side it’s a little trickier. I never had “the talk” with my parents. I got my sex education from a long string of late night Cinemax films after my folks had gone to sleep. A very long line of them. So many in fact that by the time I was 14 I was bored with the concept of vanilla sex (which is easy to say when you’re not getting any). My attitude was “They’re all the same. Girl A does Guy A, Girl B does Guy B, then Girl A does Girl B, missionary, then doggie style, ISN’T THERE ANYTHING DIFFERENT OUT THERE???” Then one night, there was a film where one of the characters enjoyed spanking girls. BOINNNNNG HELLLO!!!! The pieces slowly started coming together after that. A year later, I was rummaging through a stack of books in a library, tripped over a copy of “The Story of O” and the rest…..come ask me sometime.

~Think you make a great point about your sexual awakening ‘explaining’… at least in part… what the interest in spanking was about. Have to say too, you’re totally right about Cinemax and their skin flicks… lol. Hard to believe anyone would have an interest in sex after watching one of those things!~

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Suzy Says: Hmmm… that’s kinda hard to determine because I got interested in sex at a very.. we’re talking very.. young age and it wasn’t a limited interest. Meaning I wasn’t only thinking about slow,soft romantic intercourse missionary style and that’s it. My interests were much more than that. I had wild and all encompassing ideas. The thoughts of sex outdoors, in pools, hot tubs, the ocean, the beach, on a ferris wheel, sex tied up, blindfolded, orgies, 3 somes, hard painful sex, and pinching, biting, pulling and spanking all seemed very fun parts of sex for me too. So I’d have to say the interest came at the same time but I didn’t have the opportunity to incorporate spanking into my sex life for a few years after starting to have a sex life.

I didn’t do like some did and read about sex or spanking, that’s not really my nature. As inappropriate as it was for my age, if I wanted to try something, I went out and did it and that started pretty young for me. I don’t think the early interest speaks to any larger question other than helping to become a very open minded and outgoing adult later in life.

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Todd Says: I think for me the interest in spanking probably came first. I can recall playing house as a 4 or 5 year old, before starting school, and being ‘the dad’… and being a dad that spanked. Spanked a lot too, lol. I don’t know how much of an “interest” that was though. I also liked to play ‘army’ where I’d race around the neighborhood with other kids and toy guns fake killing the enemy… and I don’t really consider that any sort of interest. It was just playing by copying what I’d seen (in life, TV, etc).

I was one of those kids that used to look the word “spanking” up in the dictionary. Of course, I looked up lots of ‘adult’ type words, including sex type words. Again, not sure how much that speaks to a true interest.

I do know though that I found spanking interesting at an age where sex really did nothing for me. If something sexual was shown in a movie, I’d be like… who cares. It just didn’t interest me. I had an uncle who was 3 years older than me show me a Playboy when I was around 8 years old and I couldn’t care less. I wanted to know when we were going to go back outside and play. If a neighborhood friend wanted to talk about spanking at that same age though… well, play could wait!

So that’s why I say the interest in spanking probably came first.

Really though, my interest in spanking didn’t develop in any sort of real way until I’d discovered sex. Instead of spanking being an… ‘oh, that’s curious and interesting’ sort of thought… it become a more focused, ‘I would like to spank that girl’ and here is how I’d like to do it.

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All the pictures in this week’s Roundtable Wrap-up come from Shadow Lane. They have awesome parties with great music… and they also produce some of the finest spanking videos you’ll find. We highly recommend them. Neat thing too is, you can check their videos out for FREE. If you sign-up at the link provided, you get 10 minutes to view anything you like with zero obligations. A great deal and well worth checking out.

Life has been pretty busy lately, most especially on the weekends. We’ve had several things going on. A new business client that is only available on weekends… teaching our son to drive, which works best time wise on the weekends… and we’ve been doing a booth at the flea market as we try to both get rid of some stuff we don’t need and make some needed money in the process, and of course the flea market is only open on the weekends.

So with all that going on, plus our recent trip to see family during the holidays, we have missed the last couple of Tampa Tanner parties. Have really been bummed about that too. Thomas (Spanking Exploits) and Cookie (Cookie Jar) have been friends of ours for several years now… pretty much since shortly after they entered the scene (which wasn’t that long after we did). We’ve been able to spend lots of time with both of them in person. Have gotten together privately, then they attended several of our A.S.S. spanking parties in Ocala… and now we attend most of their Tanner parties down in Tampa.

It’s been a good and solid friendship that extends well beyond ‘the scene.’ Also miss seeing another Tampa Tanners organizer, Katia (Not My Original Vows). We met her through Thomas and Cookie a few years ago, and she too has come a close and trusted friend.

Then there is Jean, who we often work out seeing at Tampa Tanner parties. Have had a close friendship with her and a successful ‘discipline friendship’ since shortly after we moved to Florida. And then Rose too, another close friend that sometimes is able to make Tampa Tanner parties.

Guess it’s really not ~the party~ we miss… but rather, it’s spending time with close and long established friends. Not that the party itself isn’t a good time, because it is. Every Tanner party we’ve been to has been well organized with lots and lots of spanking fun. Can’t beat the cost either. We’ve enjoyed meeting new friends there too, as well as keeping in touch with more casual friends.

Really does boil down to the people though. That’s what makes a good party… and Tampa Tanner parties are totally awesome. Really looking forward to next weekend.

Also will share that the group is extremely welcoming to newcomers. While there are indeed some long time friends getting together, the group is not at all cliquish. No one is made to feel like an interloper or an outsider. We have been to a party before where there was a very definite pecking order and where you stood in it directly impacted your party experience. That’s not at all what Tampa Tanners is about.

So if you’re in the area this coming January 29, we welcome you to check the group out. Can find more details HERE.

Here is a post we did a few years ago. Have seen this pop up elsewhere on the internet since doing it, so it must have been pretty popular…

Enjoy!

 
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Here is a warning label that just might work!