How intimate is spanking to you? Is it as intimate as sexual play? How much difference does the kind of spanking (playful, discipline, etc) make? Which takes more trust for you to be comfortable with… spanking or sexual play?

Whether or not spanking is sexual is a popular topic and one we have addressed a couple of times here at the Roundtable. How spanking and sex compare as far as intimacy goes though, that’s something we’d never talked about before… so that’s what the topic was this week. Made for a good discussion too and a big thank you to all that took the time to share their thoughts. Let’s jump into the Wrap-up by taking a look at the Quick Response Poll results.

Generally speaking which is more intimate to you… Spanking or Sex?
Sex, by far. ~ 8%
Sex, by a little. ~ 15%
About the same. ~ 27%
Spanking, by a little. ~ 12%
Spanking, by a lot. ~ 38%

Half believe that spanking is more intimate than sex, while about 1 in 4 think they’re the same. So sex being the more intimate act is definitely the minority opinion… which was a little surprising to us. Thought it might be a little closer to even. That’s why we ask the question though!

Here are this week’s comments, which we hope you’ll check out.

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Bonnie said: Hi T&S,

For Randy and me, spanking IS sex. It’s difficult to consider them separately because, for us, each is an integral part of the other. So I guess my answer has to be that spanking is very intimate.

~Totally understand what you mean and we’d actually guess that this is the majority opinion. Most vanillas assume that spanking is sexual… so spanking being a sexual act is a given. More than a few spankos feel the same way too.~

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garntboy said: For me the difference between sexual and punishment spanking is vast. When I was infront of my headmaster my mindset was that of an adolescent boy being punished for wrong doings. And although I found this exciting for me it was never sexually arousing at the time. Later, yes, when I would recount in my head the session. Not just the actual punishment but also the verbal exchanges we had. I liked to cheek him a little but I had absolute trust in him as well. Whereas at home with wifey our rare sessions are purely a forerunner to sexual pleasure, the mindset is completely different. Thus far anyway. Maybe when the schoolmistress and schoolboy outfits arrive it’ll be different…..Only kiddin’.

~Does depend on the type of spanking for many, including us. There is a big difference between an erotic type spanking and a discipline one. The difference is indeed vast.~

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Hermione said: I think they are both intimate activities, although we engage in them separately as well as in combination. So I said they were about the same.

~Whether or not one engages in sexual play and spanking both in combination and then also separately is an interesting question. As your insight shows though, just because one does sometimes engage in spanking play only… that doesn’t mean that play isn’t intimate to them.~

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Papa JJ said: Coming from a guy who can’t get it up anymore as a result of diabetes, Spanking is the most intimate act in our relationship. that being said, I still have a very hard tongue. I just can’t use tongue and paddle at the same time.

~Tongue and paddle at the same time is quite a skill! We were trying to think how that might done… and mist admit we had fun coming up with different ideas.~

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Jimmy said: For us, spanking is a very intimate act. We use it as foreplay almost all the time, but not universally. Even when using it for discipline, it is followed by love making as part of the forgiveness stage.

~What happens before or after a spanking can certainly have a big impact on how intimate the spanking itself is. It certainly works that way for us. While the spanking might be the same, the mindset that goes with it changes based on what surrounds it.~

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Terri said: Spanking, by far, is more intimate. Probably because the only times my trust has been abused during corporal punishment of any kind, were by authority figures with a significant age disparity, as well as a significant power disparity. (Parents, teachers as the aggressors) whereas my trust in a sexually intimate manner has been abused by casual acquaintances, as well as by one childhood authority figure.

Frankly, the reason I would select spanking as more intimate, is that I actively AVOID sex. I am afraid of sex, because I have been treated roughly or lustfully with my own desires, needs or even self-respect being tossed aside and treated as unimportant, or even irrelevant.

And yes, I’m aware I need therapy. But blogging is cheaper. Sorry for the resent-filled rant, I think I’m hormonal. When I’m not PMSing, I can usually shake off the anger as soon as it appears, which is a good thing, as its a rather ugly part of my personality.

~Blogging is our therapy at times too… … so no worries. We have spanko friends that avoid sex or consider themselves asexual, so that approach is not unheard of. It’s a natural instinct to avoid things that have caused pain and problems.~

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Suzy Says:  Spanking can be intimate to me, but isn’t always.  I enjoy many different kinds of spankings and most of them are fun and playful so it’s pretty much only the erotic ones that are intimate to me.  My mindset about the person is really what determines how the spanking is for me.  I’m pretty much open to playful spankings with anyone who is clean, nice and friendly.  Whereas intimate spankings require a feeling of desire on my part. The more intense the desire, the more enjoyable the erotic spanking. Trust is SO important.   To give someone that level of control is an intimate thing to do. I’ve also found that trusting someone close to me who normally wouldn’t have the permission to spank me, was quite a turn on in itself.  Handing over the control in an erotic situation only to take back that control afterwards, brings a whole new level of spanking enjoyment into my life.  It does take a great deal of trust to play in that intimate of a way though.

In sexual situations trust is a must, but typically spanking on it’s own just requires a little bit of logical selection more than a devotion of trust.  Now spanking during sexual play, that’s another issue

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Todd Says: Generally speaking I don’t view intimacy as an act, but rather as a close connection in a loving relationship. I can give a spanking that could even include sexual play… I can have fun with that and enjoy it as a mutually rewarding experience… but if it were done with someone that I didn’t have a trusting and close relationship with, it wouldn’t be as “intimate” as say sitting in a hot tub and talking with someone that I do have that close and trusting relationship with. So for me it’s all about the person and not the act.

Then more specifically focused on just the act, it depends on what act we’re actually talking about. There is a big difference between a casual spanking like I might give during a game of Spankopoly and a real discipline spanking. The difference there again though is that trusting connection thing. For discipline to work at a higher level, there must be totally open communication. A spankee must feel comfortable sharing everything, including those things that she feels embarrassed about and those things that make her feel vulnerable. When that happens, it is definitely an intimate experience and that is very much felt when the actual spanking is given. I think many times it is that connection that allows tears to flow. Again though, we’re talking about people and relationships and not a physical act.

As for which takes more trust… sex or spanking… it again depends. With sex there are some life changing things that can go wrong, such as getting an STD/AIDS or making a baby. You have to trust someone not to risk something like that happening. Of course, it depends on what sort of sexual play you’re talking about too. There are certainly types of sexual play that don’t come with those risks (or at least they’re vastly-vastly reduced). And then with spanking, lots of trust can be needed there too… depending on the spanking… especially one that involves nudity and marks being left on the bottom.

I think all and all though, sex takes more trust and comfort. But as far as intimacy goes, there for me it is all about the person and the relationship I have with them.

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All the pictures in this week’s Roundtable Wrap-Up post come from Firm Hand Spanking. Updated three times a week, gorgeous girls, lots of videos and pictures and discreet billing for as little as 50 cents a day.