*Non-Consensual Spanking Play*
Like many of our blogging friends, we’re big time advocates of open and honest communication in a spanking relationship. We want spankos to be on the same page so both spanker and spankee get what they want/need out of a spanking. Need to talk things out, use a safeword, get feedback, start slow, take your time… it’s a process, but one that is well worth the effort.
It almost goes without saying that there needs to be CONSENT… because it’s obviously the first step in that communication thing. Still, we do say it. We often call this thing we do “adult consensual spanking”… just so newbies will understand that we’re not talking about anyone being forced to do anything against their will.
Here is a little secret though… some spankos fantasize about non-consensual spanking situations. Kami Robertson has a blog (that we’ll soon be doing a “Wink” to) in which she goes into some depth about her interest in non-consensual scenarios. The idea of being spanked against her will “works” for her.
Notice we said the “idea” there. It’s a fantasy… even one that can be acted out in a safe and sane role-play. The *reality* of being abducted or truly forced to do something against your will… that surely would be terrifying in the wrong kind of way. So that’s not what we’re talking about here. It’s the idea and the fantasy.
Doesn’t get talked about all that much, but we know more than a few spankees that do enjoy this ‘darker’ side of spanking. And if you don’t believe that… ask yourself if you’ve ever played the “no-no, please don’t spank me… I’ll be good from now on” game. Isn’t that on the edge of non-consensual (role) play?
This week at the Roundtable we’d like to talk in more depth about non-consensual spanking play. We’d love to hear your thoughts. Know it’s an edgy topic, but really do hope you’ll share.
Here are a few questions to get the discussion going.
Do you ever fantasize about a spanking that is coerced or forced? How intense do the fantasies get… would you say they ever get ‘dark’? Is there ever non-consensual banter… “please, no-no”… in your spankings. Do you have any interest in a non-consenual role-play?
We invite you to leave a comment below, or if you like you can Email us at ToddnSuzy@yahoo.com and we’ll post your thoughts in the Sunday Roundtable Wrap-up.
Also have the Quick Response Poll and we do invite you to share your vote there too.
Thanks for reading and have a great weekend!
June 4th, 2009 - 7:50 pm
I have had many thoughts about the non-consensual type spankings. But I don’t think I would enjoy being forced by just any average Joe or anything like that. But actually in my relationship I do kind of get those at times. I mean there are times that I really dont want a spanking and I really do put up a fight. It is still consensual though as he has my blanket consent from the get go. Its kind of like the consensual non consent thing. But I would love if he would ever just grab me and force me to take a spanking for play that I wasn’t informed about and all. It would be hard to do though as I dont usually fight to much anyway lol. I dont know but yeah those kinds of things are fantasies I am sure many people have. I know I do.
June 4th, 2009 - 10:52 pm
I guess you could almost say that the spankings that take place here are almost non-consensual. Obviously we came to an agreement that spankings would take place, but as our relationship has progressed there have been times where I flat out didn’t want one, he bent me over and held me down, and layed into me.
We don’t use safewords anymore, but he knows when to stop so I don’t ever have to worry about trust.
So I guess ours are.. what is that called? Consensual non-consent or something. A lot of the time I’m accepting, but there ARE days where he has to drag me to the spot, force me into position, and then hold me down.
It doesn’t bother me though. It always ends well =)
June 4th, 2009 - 11:04 pm
Lately what I’ve found is that when my partner talks about the spankings he’s going to give me and then asks me “Does that excite you?” I almost immediately switch into role playing mode, discussing how scared I am and how I am dreading my punishment but if that’s the only way he feels he can keep me in line, so be it. The whole idea of a “non-consenual” spanking is such a turn on, but as my friends have already mentioned, in a “consenual” relationship where the unspoken rules are adhered to. But I do enjoy fantasizing about being grabbed suddenly, without warning and thrown over someone’s knee. Totally hot!
Ironic that is says “Submit” comment!
June 5th, 2009 - 10:24 am
All our spankings are consensual, and the idea of being forced doesn’t appeal to me at all. Nor have I ever tried to force Ron to spank me
Neithr of us would want to engage in a non-consensual roleplay scene. having said that, I would be willing to do a disciplinary roleplay, but I would consider that consensual, because the spanking would be punishment for a misdeed, and therefore deserved.
Hugs,
Hermione
June 5th, 2009 - 1:13 pm
The thought of being forced to take a spanking, or anything else, doesn’t appeal to me, either. I like my sexy spankings. Though we’ve never tried discipline, in my mind, even that wouldn’t be forced, but instead require me to submit gracefully.
June 5th, 2009 - 1:53 pm
Hi, Todd and Suzy!
Yup, this is what really floats my boat!!
I wanted a strong man who would spank me for being a brat, without knowing thats what I really wanted him to do!!! Of course, not really possible; but Davey does know this is how I feel; and boy, IS HE THE MAN to play up to this role??? (swoon) Somehow its more sexy, makes me so so wet, when he just takes matters in hand and spanks me when I deserve it, even when I am really angry at him for something and don’t want to be spanked. He just whacks away while sternly lecturing, until he has “broken” the defiant streak within me…. yet, in reality, we both know that if I called the safe word, he would stop instantly… I try to forget that though, as it spoils the ethos. LOL. xxx
June 5th, 2009 - 6:14 pm
Well, this is sort of a complicated thing. I mean, a relationship is kept together through trust, understanding, communication… and NON CONSENTUAL anything normally puts a bruisin’ on that. But as others have commented before; we’ve consented to be non-consentual. At least as far as day-to-day REAL discipline is concerned.
As for the FANTASY: I can’t say all fantasies imply an element of “force”. But all of MY spanking fantasies do. Non-consentual spankings are mostly what I write about in my fictions and fantasize about in my sex life, and even outside of my sex life. It’s what I hope on all my married gal-pals that aren’t in a spanking relationship. It’s even what I hope upon my friend who WANTS a spanking relationship, as I know she would like an element of non consent. And here’s my interpretation on WHY:
Non-concentual fantasies I think are directly translated into power. The man (or women, for some other folks’ tastes) having more power than you–to be stronger than you–to give you “what you need” whether you like it or not. I think people OUTSIDE of the spanking community normally fantasize about forceful behavior. This is just the spankos’ interpretation of that. That’s my in-a-nutshell explanation, anyway.
June 5th, 2009 - 6:16 pm
I forgot to mention the most important part: In the world of James and I–we don’t roleplay much, and when we do, it’s consentual. HOWEVER: we LIVE our fantasy of non consentual through the “consent to be non-consentual” policy we’ve upheld for outselves.
June 5th, 2009 - 10:43 pm
[...] Punishment, Submission, Taken in Hand, This Thing We Do, spanking) Over at Todd and Suzy’s American Spanking Society they asked a question that got me to thinking. And because it’s a rainy day here, and I am home [...]
June 5th, 2009 - 10:46 pm
Hi Todd and Suzy!
I really liked your topic and decided to write my many thoughts up as a post:
http://findingsara.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/the-issue-of-consensual-non-consent-in-spanking/
June 6th, 2009 - 12:58 pm
Yes!! Most of my fantasies revolve around non-consensual spankings. I guess some would be considered borderline dark as they can involve capture or being held against my will and being spanked for resistance.
In real life play, I enjoy mock-non-consensual spankings (if that makes any sense). I’d only do so with a person I knew well and trusted, but I like the style of play in which I say “please no, no” and try to get away rather than eagerly diving over the spanker’s lap.
But that’s about as far as it goes in r/l. I would really have to have a special relationship to ever dare try something closer to my darker fantasies and I would NEVER want such things to actually happen in reality. Some things are just better left to the imagination.
June 6th, 2009 - 1:45 pm
Hi,
first of all thank you for using me and my blog as an example!
Yes, I indulge myself in non-consensual spanking as a part of roleplay a lot. Actually I can’t think of any roleplay/scene I did that included consensual spanking. I suppose the only consensual spankings themselves that happened were when I was bratting around simply in physical need of having my bum warmed, but it was still about pain invovolved and me squirming and kicking all the way through so I’m not sure how consensual that really was
.
But you made a good point in your post, it’s about roleplays/scenes being non-consensual. I would never accepted and allow anyone to inflict any non-consensual spankings (or more) on me. It’s hot in a roleplay and that’s where nonconsent belong, in real life it’s a crime, abuse and is just not sane.
That’s why I’m so fond of phrase ‘consensual non-consent’. I do consent to play but for my character it’s always non-consensual (minus roleplays with deserved punishment where I suppose it’s semi-consensual then
). And that makes perfect sense for me (and for the tops I enjoy playing with).