How long have you been participating in the online spanking community? How did you first find the online spanking community? What do you think the biggest positive has been? Any negatives?

 

 

 

 

 

We want to thank everyone that congratulated us on our third blogiversary. We really do appreciate it. And yes, even though we’re on the road… we still did find a nice way to celebrate,

Having a blog like A.S.S. where we share our interest in spanking in a pretty open way didn’t happen overnight. It was a process involving many steps. Exactly how that first step came about and what the major positives and negatives on the journey was the subject of this week’s Roundtable. Lots of response and we really enjoyed hearing what our friends had to share. Excellent discussion this week.

Let’s start by taking a look at the Quick Response Poll.

How long have you been participating in the online spanking community?
Just started. ~ 10%
1 to 6 months. ~ 7%
6 to 12 months. ~ 10%
1 to 2 years. ~ 12%
2 to 5 years. ~ 32%
More than 5 years. ~ 29%

 

Had to narrow the topic down quite a bit for the poll, but we certainly were shocked at how long some of us have been online. Nearly two our of three have been participating in the online spanking community for at least 2 years. That’s great because it shows that something is working. It has to be a positive experience for so many to stick around year after year. The numbers are growing too… with over one on five having found the community in the last year.

To get a look at the larger topic we move to this week’s comments. Some good friends and community veterans here. Excellent reading and we do hope you’ll take the time to read. Know we both thoroughly enjoying them.

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Jean said: As one who was into scene before internet and after, definitely internet has made it much easier. It had been awhile before I was able to get back into the scene. Family life made it impossible. I started searching internet about 5 or 6 years ago. It made it so much easier. Before you were very limited and it was very hard to find anyone with same interests. I’ve enjoyed being able to use internet. I’ve met many online friends and have even met a few in person. That’s how I eventually met you both, which is a great benefit.

~Have always enjoyed hearing about how the spanking community worked before it centered around the interment. There were a few small pockets of people in select large areas… and they weren’t easy to find. Certainly has changed and we’re both glad for it too.~

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Meow said: I lurked on the old A.S.S. and S.S.S. newsgroups years ago (12-13? – I can’t remember the details) and have been to commercial sites (fiction) also for several years, but didn’t discover blogs until January of this year. So less than 6 months for “participating” but several years of being interested and seeking out others with similar interests. What a blessing to feel normal and not alone!
-Meow

~Blogs are pretty neat. Instead of a collection of people in an area, like he old newsgroups… you’re able to really get to know a person through their blog. They tend to be friendlier and less combatitive too. Not that the old newsgroups didn’t have their charm… and yes, they no doubt let you know… you are not alone!~

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Christy said: Wow. Well… I first started my online adventures at the tender age of 11. It was the only way I could get my frustrations out… hear anything about it. I thought about spanking constantly and wanted it so badly (I was the weird child who wanted to be spanked and had no-spanking parents)… so I first started reading stories of other kids getting it, talking to kids online who either DID get it or who also wanted it (and got them interested in online adventures too!) By the time I hit high school I moved up in two ways: I started posting my own stories to various groups and websites, and had a couple of more grown-up friendships online. Two that really stand out: One where the guy really tried to take advantage of me, another with a guy who would eventually become my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years and we’re still best friends even after breaking up this past October. Now I write for several groups, have sold many pieces, and have started searching for people to enter my life in the spanking way.

It’s amazing what opportunities the internet has opened up. Having people in my life who understood my feelings… knowing I wasn’t a complete freak of nature… made a huge impact on me. Definitely was the biggest positive. The biggest negative? Well… I’d have to say it caused a lot of problems between my parents and me when it all came out of the woodwork five years ago. But thankfully we’ve mostly worked through that, and I wouldn’t take the last twelve years back for anything.

~Starting at such a young age is a topic all by itself. And while we’re thrilled that it worked out for you and we’re very happy to know you as an adult… having children able to enter the online spanking community is something adults need to watch out for. Not knowing for sure who you’re talking to is a possible negative.~

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Bonnie said: This is a great question. I had a similar query in the queue for brunch, but I may have to rethink that plan. Then again, it’s a great question.

Anyhow, I started like Meow as a lurker on the old ASS/SSS newsgroups. That was the moment of revelation for me. It was maybe 15 years ago. I realized that there were lots of people who enjoyed the same percussive activities that we did! Even now, the memory of that amazing flash of realization remains vivid. These people are into spanking!

In time, I moved from newsgroups to forums to blogs and eventually started my own. It’s been a remarkable journey. I’ve met many wonderful friends, learned a lot more about TTWD, and found a creative outlet for all of my spanko ramblings. As for negatives, well, if I could arrange a 36-hour day, there wouldn’t be any at all!

~We’ve had good topic in queue snagged up before we got to them… and, lol… we still use ‘em. Didn’t know you were a lurker back on the old newsgroups. How cool… Bonnie as a lurker. Come a long way since then!~

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iggy said: The first spanking site I ever joined was SIN – I just popped over there to see when I registered and it was in October of 2004. My how time flies! That was actually my second account there. I had made an earlier one (by about a month I think) with another name, that I forget, and then freaked out and deleted it.

Before that, I’d occasionally do the internet search and usually find scary stuff that would cure me of looking again for quite a while, but somehow I always ended up searching again.

Then one day I found “Bernie’s Spanking pages” and I’d go there and the ring of sites it took me too. Of course I didn’t have computer access at the time, so it was very occasional when I’d get online (read: when I visited my parents’ home on my bi-annual vacations – and then I’d sneak in the middle of the night and learned how to clear my tracks).

I’ll never forget the visit when I came home and the site wasn’t there…I was CONVINCED that “they” were onto me and the FBI and SWAT (or whatever the Canadian equivalent might be) was gonna come out of nowhere and arrest me! I was half-convinced that any time I did those sort of searches that some red warning light was going on somewhere.

Anyhow, I put 2-5 years on the poll because it’s just a shade under 5 years that I actually physically joined a spanking site, but I’ve done the searches several years longer than that. Still haven’t been arrested for it!

Oh I almost skipped the whole positives and negatives part of the question…bad me.

Positives: I’ve met a ton of super nice people, gotten spanked, and gotten to travel! I’ve done things I’d never in a million years have thought I’d do (like go to a spanking party).

Negatives: Well sometimes there are jerks in the scene and I’ve had some bad experiences with people and a couple of times nearly been driven away from the whole spanking thing entirely. Also, I probably also spend far too much time doing spanking related stuff online and I guess that might be a negative although I’m quite happy with it since it’s not like I’m shirking anything else to do it.

~Bernie’s Spanking page… that is a fun blast from the past. Suzy too has had her moments of paranoia about getting arrested. Actually seems to be a common fear though. Thus far though, we too have avoided the slammer. ~

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Scunge said: I had my one year anniversary this past June. I call it the time when I “woke” up. So glad I DID I have had mostly positive experiences this year,getting my first adult spanking and what a wonderful weekend THAT was! Finding MY SIR in October, falling in love with him and he with me. Going to my first spanking party weekend. Finding all the wonderful like-minded people and now knowing I am NOT a freak. Finding out that getting spanked makes me a MUCH better and HAPPIER person.

The only negative and it turned into a positive was the one creep between my mentor and MY SIR. Though if it had not been for said creep I would not have kept looking and found MY SIR! So as I said it turned into a positive.

~Very cool positives. Really can’t beat finding that special someone thanks to that decision to explore the online spanking community.~

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ginger said: What a loaded question!!!

I’ve been involved in the online spanking community for almost 10 years now. While I’ve always been a spanko inside, I had no way to differentiate between severe BDSM and the lighter stuff and was terrified to be linked to those “freaks” if anyone ever found out! I found the online spanking community, believe it or not, by typing “spanking” into google while actually doing legitimate research for a paper on parental CP. I was shocked to find spanking stories – it never occurred to me that there would be websites dedicated to such a thing as a kink!!

For months, I devoured stories at Laura’s Spanking Corner.

At some point, I found SIN, which was called Spanking Memories at the time. On a whim, I wrote my first story as an anonymous poster. No thought into my name – I had to come up with one and off the top of my head, I picked sarah thorne. No reason, no thought……funny, it just had a nice ring to it. I was invited to stay by a few members, the late Kilahara being one of those members, and I was on my way to meeting some wonderful people who I consider even vanilla friends today still. It blew me away that so many “normal” people shared this desire.

That was a positive for sure. All the wonderful people I’ve met along the way, and many with whom I still have casual contact and several with whom I am still good friends. I met my husband in the online community (who, btw has been involved since the newsgroup days of the mid 90’s). I’ve grown as a person by allowing myself to embrace this part of myself. In the meantime, I’ve been able to become part of a sub-culture that has allowed me to meet others, travel, and psychologically explore this desire in an intelligent, thoughtful and safe way.

The negative is that it all came with a price, this realization and freedom. I won’t go into those…..some are incredibly personal, and those were such dark and difficult times that I had a breakdown. But in the end– happiness, security with myself, and feeling okay being “me” in all ways — it all worked out.
g.

~We’ve talked with a few people that found spanking thanks to a non “perv” search… lol. It’s great how quickly you were able to find a home once you did find it though. Never knew Kilahara, but it is people like that… that make newbies feel so welcome… that are at the core of this community.~

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Pammie said: I discovered the online spanking community about a year ago, and it opened my eyes! I had always enjoyed spanking sex + bondage, but when I met my first real spanker (September 2008) and started reading DD blogs like Finding Sara and Constance’s blogs, a whole new life opened up for me as I got more involved in D/s in real life and online. I love the community of the spanking and DD bloggers. They have given me encouragement and emotional support.

Negatives? Occasionally, weirdos comment or make suggestions …. you know…

~It is an eye opening moment for sure! Seems that everyone had that feeling at some point… be it a year ago or 20 years ago. Do know about those negative comments too. We delete ‘em in a flash… which feels pretty positive to us. ~

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Hermione said: I’ve only been in the online community for 2 1/2 years, partly because I didn’t know about it, and partly because most of my online activity took place at work, where sites like “that” are either blocked or too risky to visit. The computer we used at home was a loaner from work too, and internet access was dial-up.

I got started once we got our own home computer. and I saw Ron’s collection of lovely naked ladies as wallpaper. I asked why he didn’t have spanking pictures, and he said they were out there, and videos too. I got curious and started exploring, then found blogs. And the rest is history.
Hugs,
Hermione

~The value of naked lady wallpaper clearly can’t be overstated, lol. Though, we do prefer spanking picture wallpaper too.~

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Cowgirl said: I discovered spanking and the online community about two years ago now, I think. It was something I, literally, stumbled upon. I had no previous experience or fascination with spanking, and had no clue there was an entire community. I was a lurker for the first year, however, this past year I have become more active within the community. I started (and finished) my blog, but I’m still around. I’m so glad I found the community. I have met some really nice people to chat with, and best of all, I found Chase. Negatives… a few weirdos now and then, but overall, I’ve had a positive experience.

~Have always loved your story. A girl with *no* interest or thought about spanking… stumbles into this world… and finds that it is something that works for her. Very cool tail… err… tale.~

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K said: I found the online spanking community about a year and a half ago. I wasn’t looking for it. I was part of a vanilla blogging group that linked to a feminist type blog where many women posted. I didn’t follow it much, and unsubscribed not long after, so it was just luck that I happened to catch a link there that led me to spanking blogs. Just before Christmas there was a post about how some couples were planning to kick up the romance during the holidays. One of the links led to the blog My Bottom Smarts. It was there that I discovered spanking was not just for obnoxious kids. I was intrigued and quickly told Hubby of my discovery. He was not at all surprised by my interest. We started talking and then experimenting. I started reading and commenting, and then started my own blog, probably close to a year ago.

Positives… It’s where I found out about spanking and all sorts of things to try. We haven’t gotten so far as a formal agreement of any kind, but there has been a shift to correct the power imbalance that we used to have. Apparently, I had all the power in the family and a family therapist we had for a bit thought it would be good for me to share the power. I never bought into that crazy idea until I started reading spanky blogs. Hubby’s enjoying having more power in the family. I’m learning that I have a partner and don’t have to worry about everything myself. I knew that, but it’s clearer now. I’m pretty sure that Hubby just has more fun with me now, too. We’ve always been very happy, but there’s a bit more spark when he looks at me.

Negatives… I have nosy family members that like to rain on my parade. They discovered my blog and I have no idea if they read it or not, but I have visions of them sharing my personal preferences with others and snickering. I tried not to let it ruin my fun, but I finally did make my blog private while I figure out what to do about it.

~Another really cool story about finding the online spanking community. Through a feminist blog… how fun! As for your negative, well… that just plan sucks. We have an “oh well” approach with our family. If they care enough to snoop… they get the shock they deserve, lol. Obviously doesn’t work for everyone though. Going private is one option… started another blog is another.~

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Munchkin said: Ok, this will be long and convoluted as usual so bear with me. About 12 or 13 years ago I had zero interest in computers but my then boyfriend was obsessed with them so kept trying to get me to try this internet thing. Nope. No interest. One day he said why don’t you look up spanking and see if there are chatrooms or something. I was floored. You could do that?! He helped me find one and I promptly freaked out and wanted to turn the computer off when people said hi. He coached me into replying. I don’t think I ever said anything more than hi, just tried to figure out what was going on with the screen moving so quickly. After that I discovered things like Laura’s Corner and Bernies. After we split up I ended up on Alt.com because I had decided I wanted a boyfriend who was into spanking, but that fizzled after a while, I wasn’t meeting anyone really other than people wanting to hook up which I wasn’t into, and I ended up dating D (totally vanilla) who happily obliged me with spanking as foreplay.

I still visited spanking sites and at some point got on SIN. I guess I left for a while and came back because I had to change my name for some reason and ended up going with “munchkin.” I was on there for years participating in the forums, though I never could get into doing chatrooms. Too fast and too silly to hold my interest, no actual conversation seemed to take place. Eventually though, people on the discussion forums decided to open a more private chat for people from the boards. I think this was January 2007. This would be the first time I ever spoke to people from the forums other than answering threads on the board. I never PM’d people or anything. Richard Windsor had actually sent me one of my first PM’s just before that in response to something I said on the forum. I don’t think I answered lol.

The discussion forum chatroom ultimately completely changed my life. I began talking with a few people on there…Rich, Tater-Tot, iggy, Zed. With Rich and Tater I for the first time added spanko friends to YIM and started talking to them regularly. Between them and tater I got talked into going to the SSC event that June. D and I went and at first I was completely weirded out by the whole idea, but eventually had a blast. I had never considered getting spanked by someone I wasn’t intimately involved with so it was strange. Rich ended up giving me my first spanko-spanking there, lol. Since then I’ve attended 2 FMS parties and loved those even more than the first time, and have made friends with two local Tops, eventually meeting with one fairly regularly.

Positives: I’ve made several wonderful friends, something unexpected and especially important to me because I’m fairly socially awkward and shy in vanilla-land and rarely make what I would consider good friends. (Seriously, I have 2 I can think of, and one has been since I was 17.) I feel like I’ve opened up and become much braver than I have ever been as far as meeting and talking to people.

Negatives: Me making friends seems to have had a negative affect on my marriage. Honestly part of that is that I have been a bit obsessive about being online since all this came about before the SSC, and because, ok it’s a bit weird that all my friendships are kind of kink-based. But it also has to do with D being used to me being a home-body who keeps to myself. He went out a lot and I didn’t. Basically my life completely revolved around him and work. I’ve changed a lot I think since meeting spankos, which I think of as a good thing, I feel like I’ve come out of my shell and grown a lot. I’m not so sure he sees it in the same light. I think he liked me just fine when I was IN my shell and struggles a lot with me doing anything not centered around him. Not to say he’s totally selfish, it’s just the way it had always been and now I’ve changed. It’s been a real struggle to deal with all this, but really for me, there’s no going back now.

~You have had quite the journey. Sounds like you kept plugging away until you found something that worked… and that you took your time doing it. That’s certainly a good approach. Know what you mean about making friends too. We’re not shy people… but it does get harder to meet and make new friends once you become a full fledged adult. Being part of the spanko community sure has made that easier.~

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Suzy Says: I first got online in about 1995 mainly as a social outlet to meet and talk with people. I spent some time looking around before finding a board called ‘Private Liaisons” which focused on poetry, stories and adult topics (like sex and relationships). Many writers on the board participated in interactive story writing and many of these stories developed into spanking stories. The board monitors were pretty harsh and didn’t let us get too detailed. Through the grapevine we heard of another board with less harsh monitors called ‘Story Loft.’

The kinkier of us moved to the new message board. The topics ranged greatly and there was indeed more freedom to write. While spanking was referred to, no one made it a main topic. That was until Todd came along, lol. When he brought it up in detail.. I was intrigued. That was the beginning of a friendship that later led to us getting married.

That was my first experience with the online spanking community. From there, Todd and I pretty much followed each other to the different online spanking sites until we started our own blog 3 years ago.

Meeting people online and then eventually away from the computer that share the same interest in spanking that I do.. that aren’t afraid or embarrassed by this thing we do.. and building real and lasting friendships with them has been the biggest positive.

The negative is the people who aren’t genuine about who they are and what they are interested in, just like some are in the vanilla world. This is a major negative because so much about this community relies on honesty and trust.

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Todd Says: I’ve been “online” for a long-long time now. When I first started out, it was one a friend’s computer (actually his sister’s). I didn’t know enough about computers to feel safe openly looking for spanking… but the idea that spanking stuff was there did cross my mind.

It wasn’t long after that, that I did use another friend’s computer to find “spanking” online (he was the type that didn’t mind a pervy friend, lol). I don’t recall what I found though. This was about 1990.

A year or so later I got my own computer and signed up to AOL. That day I did an AOL search for spanking and found newsgroups. There were several and I spent *a lot* of time going through them. Though I’d been spanking girlfriends and felt ‘normal’ about it… and I had predicted that there was a spanking community online… it was still quite an eye opener for me. The stories, the DD concepts, parties, casual spanking fun… it was all new to me.

I did post from time to time. Wrote a few stories even. Mostly I just read though. Also found a spanking message board on AOL which was a home of sorts for me for several years… and I posted about spanking on boards that were geared more towards sex and relationships… which is where I met Suzy.

Newsgroups eventually changed. They became overrun by both bickering and spam (the ‘flame wars’ were something else!). My focus moved more to the AOL stuff until I eventually no longer went to the Newsgroups. Then AOL started to change too. First it was the same flame war stuff. Vicious… people being harassed in real life. AOL answered with mass censorship… stuff like getting a “TOS violation” for calling someone “an ass.”

I eventually drifted away. I did find myself missing fun people to talk about spanking with though… so, I typed “spanking blog” into a search engine… to see if anyone was using this new blogging thing to talk about spanking. They were!

I believe Bonnie was my first find. It felt so perfect. Kind people talking about spanking in a positive way. I shared my find with Suzy… and we started our own blog shortly after. Totally broke away from the AOL crap too… and never looked back. We’re both thrilled with the way spanking is talked about and shared in this community.

The positives in this community are many… but for me, the people I’ve met has to be the biggest. Meeting Suzy on those AOL boards… can’t beat that! Feel very lucky to have made so many friends too. Never dreamed that was possible.

The negatives are few. Wish there was more time for the spanking community. I have to skip or scan past so much. It’s great that there are so many sharing and that I have so many friends… but, it does spread time too thin at times. Also can be a bit of high schoolish drama out there. Keeping track of who doesn’t like who and so on… that can be pretty sucky. Can’t totally avoid it either, but Suzy and I do try to keep it to a minimum.

Overall though, I’d say being a part of the online spanking community has been a huge positive.

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All the pictures in this week’s Roundtable Wrap-up come from Firm Hand Spanking. Excellent site and long a favorite of ours. Right now they’re offering several different membership plans, including one that works out to just 50 cents a day. Worth checking out. And… they have lots and lots of free stuff too.